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Boston Tragedy

I have so many friends in Boston right now. It was in that area that I received my MA. The majority of my friends and even former professors have checked in saying that they are ok. But my heart hurts so much for them.

I pray so ardently for anyone and everyone affected by this. I don’t even have any words to say about this tragic event. I love you Boston family ❤ Please stay safe!! And please everyone in the Boston area please stay safe. Our hearts go out to all of you

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Posted by on April 15, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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I don’t know whether to laugh or cry… but guys… Karma is real…

So… please read the past two posts to understand this one…

Fred got in a real car accident today… this morning… his car was completely totaled…

Somehow he walked away with only a broken nose…

How do I know this? I have yet to have the heart to de- Facebook friend him. And he put pictures up like 30 minutes ago.

What is this odds of this happening though after yesterday???

First he was in a car crash and was in critical condition… then he was completely ok… and then he is in a car crash again with a broken nose and totaled car…. like seriously when you look at the pictures of his car.. I have NO idea how he survived… he should not have walked away from it…

My heart can’t take this!!!

Seriously talk about Karma… he always talked about not saying negative things like “Oh Fred you are going to be the death of me” (in complete joking manner!) because they may actually become true… and look what happens?! His roommate fakes a car wreck and he gets in one!

I really don’t know whether I should be sobbing or laughing??? I’m pretty sure I’m in hysterics right now, doing a combination of both. I love this boy…and oh my gosh he actually is hurt and in a car wreck… I want to run to him and take care of him… but I can’t… I need to get over him… he isn’t healthy… he is not easy to get over… but omg… how am I supposed to mentally take this????????

It also doesn’t help that my OCD is freaking out that it is all my fault b/c he was probably extremely upset this morning from yesterday… so it was my fault he was distracted… urggggggggg

My life is truly a comedic tragedy…

 
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Posted by on September 18, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Mental Illnesses vs Evil…and Tragedy

So I know I already posted today… and like 5 minutes ago… but I seriously think of so many things at one time I really don’t know how my brain doesn’t combust lol.

But anyways… I really don’t know how to talk about what I want to talk about, especially since the topic is something that has happened so recently.

My heart is torn for the people of Aurora, CO. The lives lost and the amount of people injured is devastating. Acts of heroism happened during this tragedy as well… people helping others and taking bullets for others. It is hard to think about the fact that life can be taken away so suddenly. All they were doing was going to see one of the most anticipated movies of the season and their lives ended in terror. I can’t imagine what that moment must have been like for them and all those affected.

I wish I could go help all the victims…

My question though… is what would drive a person to do something like this? They have yet to determine his motive in all this. It was obviously extremely premeditated. It seems like he knew his whole plan.. and he knew that he would devastate lives. What grabs my attention about this individual though is that he called himself the “Joker.” They think that he may have taken on the persona of the Joker from the Batman movies. To be honest I’ve never seen any of the batman movies…they just aren’t my taste in movies…but I know the very basic ideas of it all.

What would drive someone to believe that they were like the Joker?

I have a friend who has DID. One of her personalities she named the “Joker.” To be honest I don’t know much about DID either. (Really I don’t know much about anything and really need to do more research now that I have my computer back.) But when she was in this persona or any other it was like she was a completely different person. She never did anything wrong… she was just different. She told me that when she was in her Joker persona that she was not her normal self, but rougher and more forceful than she normally was.

Now the guy responsible for the Aurora tragedy had been planning this for a long time… so I’m not sure if he could have something like DID, because I don’t think (but I really have no clue) you are stuck in that persona for that long of a period.

But really… what if he really did/does have a mental disorder that led him to this?

I guess what I am asking and thinking about is… everyone in our society who does an evil act (not counting terrorists groups)… do they really have mental illnesses? Or are they evil? Or perhaps both? Where is the line? What could make someone do that?

Again.. I really don’t know how to word this… but before I knew what OCD was and that I had OCD… I really thought I was evil. Who would have thoughts like I did that wasn’t an evil person? Of course I fought the thoughts with all of my strength… and I NEVER acted on any of them… they actually say that is what defines an OCD person with harm obsessions… someone who would never act on their thoughts because their compulsions are there to attempt to make the thoughts stop and they spend all their time doing those compulsions.

But what if someone wasn’t as strong as I was? What if someone gave into the thoughts? And they enter into psychosis? Is giving in to the thoughts and entering a psychotic state what makes a person evil? But are all evil people really victims of mental illnesses? And victims to society since there is such a stigma to mental illnesses?

I’m NOT TRYING TO JUSTIFY this man’s actions in any way. It was WRONG. It is one of the greatest tragedies ever. But I’m just trying to understand how someone could do that? To take so many lives… so many innocent victims. Could this have been prevented if he had been more educated about mental illness? (That is if he has one.. but I still don’t understand the difference between psychosis and evil…)

What if he was a victim to mental illness? I mean aren’t there women out there who had PDD and ended up killing their children because of it? An absolutely evil act… but one caused by a mental illness/disorder.

Is that why mental illnesses/disorders are so stigmatized? I just always thought there was a stigma out there b/c I didn’t want people to think I was “crazy”… but one of the ways you can define crazy (according to my MacBook Pro dictionary) is “mentally deranged, esp. as manifested in a wild or aggressive way.” So I guess I never thought about the fact that one of the stigmas could be because people thought people who had mental illnesses were crazy and could cause harm to others. But are they justified in their thinking? If it happens in one case… such as this one? That is if they prove he has a mental disorder.

If he doesn’t have a mental disorder… is he just pure evil? But I have a hard time accepting the fact that someone would want to be evil. Maybe that is just my naivety.

I really don’t know. I’m pretty sure that I’ve just been rambling. But if anyone can understand my thoughts and help me straighten things out… I would really appreciate it.

 
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Posted by on July 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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My life is truly a Comedic Tragedy…

My life really truly deeply is a comedic tragedy….

Today just went all wrong… but hilariously and depressingly so…

(1) Today I was supposed to have my thesis revisions back from my committee (a) chair/advisor #1 LOOSES my thesis. He claims to have written comments about it, but lost it. I had to send him another copy today so that he can put his “main ideas of those comments” on it… instead of the detailed one he supposedly wrote out for me (b) advisor #2 FORGETS that I was supposed to be receiving revisions from him… and says he has only “skimmed” it…. I should apparently be getting both of their comments tomorrow… but this doesn’t seem promising…

(2)… guy I’ve been dating (ok we went on like 2 dates)…. is apparently a former neo-nazi…. yea…. you can’t do anything but laugh about that one… let’s just say I won’t be speaking to him really anymore… b/c even though he says he is no longer that far to the right anymore… he isn’t disclaiming all his former beliefs… so yes… please laugh…b/c I really can’t stop laughing about this one either

(3) My MOTHER gave a way the last family dog that we had b/c she couldn’t handle having him anymore… WITHOUT TELLING ME….yea she isn’t very nice…

(4) The PhD program that I was trying to defer from apparently mixed my email up with another Samantha who denied the phd program and decided to go elsewhere. I’m not sure if this means that they took me off the enrollment and left that Samantha on… or they just thought that that Samantha wanted to defer and then denied them within the same day. Either way though… they denied me the ability to defer… so guess who will be going into a PhD program next fall. I couldn’t say no….

(5) All my close friends in my field really think I should take this opportunity. I haven’t told my main advisor yet, but I told my other “kinda” advisor… who really hates me for no reason… and you could totally read on his face and the way he worded everything that he thinks it is a bad decision for me to go…

(6) I want to hide in my bed for the rest of my life…..

 
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Posted by on April 23, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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