So at first I was upset.
Structural Violence in our society is not a pretty thing. It causes many people to not be able to access things that they really need.
At the OCD conference I met with someone from a counseling group that SPECIALIZES in OCD and were completely up to date with all the latest in the OCD world. AND they were in the same city as me! I hit off with one of the therapists right off and was really happy about scheduling an appointment with them. I was so excited that there were people who completely and understood everything that I went through and were willing to help me using CBT, ERP, and ACT. They would even go on field trips with me, such as driving with me to help me learn through ERP that driving was ok and other such things.
But then… I called my insurance company. Would they help me pay for this counseling? Of course… but only after I met our $3,000 out of network deductible and then I still had to pay for half of the $300 weekly sessions…
Yea… I’m a grad student… and even with my parents help… I don’t have that kind of money.
I was devastated… I was so excited about being helped by these people.
BUT, God does provide! There is actually a pretty famous Christian counseling service in my city. I met with her at an initial appointment… and I wasn’t quiet sure how I felt about her. She was nice… but she was no specialist in OCD… but of course she told me that she felt confident that she could help me for she had several other patients who she has helped with OCD and other anxiety disorders.
I was thinking about finding another therapist and meeting with them… but I went ahead and went to my second session with her… and well it was AMAZING.
She is having us work through the book Brain Lock together… and at my request in my first session with her she has already started looking into ACT and told me from her research she has done since our first session that she thinks ACT is awesome and she would love to do it with me! So we are going to use another workbook for that. (which also means that I”m the reason that she is looking into this therapy and may use it on someone else who had no idea about it! And might be able to reach them through ACT when other methods weren’t working! So in a way I’m helping others by being the guinea pig!)
She just seemed so understanding about everything… I was able to reveal all my worries, obsessions, compulsions, and everything else and she completely understood. Also, my OCD when I was little started with religious scrupulosity… and I have always had an underlying religious scrupulosity there… and having therapist who believes the same things I do… is fantastic! She is really helping me with the things I struggle with, such as “How could God let this happen to me?” “Can a person who has the thoughts that I have still go to Heaven?”
While I’ve ignored my religious scrupulosity for some time now… I really think it is one of my greatest underlying issues of my OCD… I really think that this therapist will really truly be able to help me with this!
So while I am extremely mad about the structural violence in our society and not allowing me to get the help that I really truly need… God provided me another way :). yay!