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OCD Everywhere!!!!!

I don’t know why today… but my OCD has been freaking out all day… mostly this afternoon

I guess there could be several causes: (1) started new birth control pack a day late… so it messed up hormones**** or (2) I caused it upon myself because I was channeling my inner OCD perfectionist in order to get my office completely organized they way I like it (compared to the absolute disorganized mess the person I replaced left it in)…

But seriously… where ever I look my greatest OCD fear is there!!!

My Day + OCD Fear

8:15 am- band-aid

I’m just walking to the bus stop… minding my own business… and lo’ and behold!! What is it that is on the ground!!! A bandaid!!! As some of you may have read in another post… bandaids scare the crap out of me… seriously!!! Hep C is sooooo scary!!!!! I’ve been much better at handling them… so thankfully I wasn’t too freaked out about this

8:30am- peanut

y’all know how I feel about peanut butter… but the only seat available on the bus had a peanut on the seat (and with my whole foot situation right now I prefer to sit rather than stand b/c well… balance isn’t something I have lol)!! At first I didn’t believe it… I was like “no way could that be a peanut… i’m just gonna sit (whatever it was was within this little indent thing so I couldn’t really feel it when I sat)”…. I finally stand up to get off the bus… and guess what! It was a peanut!! seriously!!! So then I start freaking out that i’m going to spread killer peanut materials everywhere!!!! Perhaps I should have cleaned it up so if the person who sat down next was allergic to peanuts they wouldn’t die… OMG!!! is it all my fault someone is going to have an allergic reaction???

Then my day went pretty well until after lunch… 

1pm- Batteries

I don’t think I have ever gone into detail on this blog (except a little here) about my fear of batteries… but the idea of what is contained in the battery and the possibility of them exploding and the mercury stuff getting into the water of mexico use to keep me up many nights… but I was completely reorganizing my office area today and what did I come across in random places?? but batteries!! Are they old? Have they been used? Are they new?? I don’t know!! Nor do I have anything to try them out in (and even if I did I would be terrified they would explode on me)… maybe I should just throw them away??? but no!!! You can’t throw away batteries!!! Do they have a way to recycle them here?? What if they don’t and they want me to throw them away??? And then its going to be all my fault that the environment is destroyed!!!!!

5pm- Children

Children… everywhere on the city buses (b/c school just got out) Children scare me… mostly because they are sooooo easily contaminatable (my new word lol)…. they don’t have the immune system we have! What if they get sick b/c they get near me or touch my bag or something?? Did my giant purse run into that homeless guy who most likely has germs on him, giving me the germs, and now I just transferred it to the kid???? ahhh!! Protect your child from all contamination!!!

6pm- Biohazard bag

I’m just walking home from the bus stop and what on earth do I almost step on?? but a biohazard bag!! what the crap??? why is that just on the sidewalk!!! Did i accidentally touch it with my foot?? DId my bag touch it??? Am i now biohazardess???

6:30pm- cement

All I want to do is take my puppy outside on a walk… all we are doing is walking to a grass area across the street… but oh look they are redoing the sidewalk… oh wow… their is wet cement… I’ve never gone into my fear about cement on this blog… but again it was a fear that arose around the same time as the whole battery thing (Summer 2011… worst summer of my life..)… but since I don’t feel like reexploring that fear too much b/c I’ll freak myself out more than I am already freaked out… lets just say it scares the crap out of me… so thoughts “Did my puppy get to near the cement???? Was their dry powdery cement near the wet cement that she walked in and then its going to get wet at some point and she is going to have a small encasement of cement on her??? did she digest powdery cement??? did it get on me??? ahhhhhhhhhh!”

So suffice to say… today wasn’t a good day… my OCD hasn’t been this active in a while… I think I will blame both of the reasons above… blah… but still looking on the bright side… I’m actually doing pretty good… I mean part of my brain is turning over and over again… but I don’t really feel anxious… I just know to think “oh whatever… thats just the OCD… I’ll ignore the over active part of my brain right now… if this had been a year and a half ago I would have saw that peanut and gone directly home to hide under my covers… I’m no where near as bad as I was… In fact… I’m even sitting hear already laughing at this post and my thought process because I know I sound pretty crazy… I know everything is going to be fine… which is why I am calm and actually not freaking out at all really… I haven’t washed my hands or changed clothes yet to today… I’m 1,000 times better than I would have been when this all first started… I’m handling it… and I’m so proud of myself

but still… I don’t want to jinx it and accidentally make it turn out into a full out panic attack or something… so for now I’m just going to curl up and watch Warm Bodies (i’ve heard great things about this movie!) and wait for tomorrow to come so I will really be laughing at everything… because the best way to cope with everything is laughter 🙂

I hope y’all are having a great day!

****So random OCD knowledge that might help some of you… when you are menstruating… the loss of blood actually makes your OCD worse b/c with that blood you are also loosing serotonin (which is what we OCDers lack)! So being on birth control helps me maintain my serotonin levels hormonally (along with my prozac which I guess is more chemically) and then I know when to expect my serotonin levels to go lower (since the pills make you regular), making it easier to handle the OCD… so yea something that may be helpful for some of y’all to know! Its much easier to handle my OCD certain times of the month now that I take birth control.

 
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Posted by on June 7, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

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Band-Aids vs Me… Yes Band-Aids are trying to take over the world… at least my world

Band-aids.

A word that strikes fear into my heart.

Right now. My heart is racing. The thought. Of band-aids. What is possibly on a band-aid…. that other horrible thing…. blood…

This word probably only strikes fear into me (and possibly someone else with OCD). Remember when you were little and you WANTED to be that kid with the band-aid? The one who had to go to the nurse’s office and get the coolest band-aid they had? Plus you would get even more cool points if the nurse gave you a bag of ice. That way, after you felt “better” and gained all the pity you could play with the ice. Whether that was to throw it at a foe/crush or try to eat as much of it as you could as fast as you could.

I remember my first band-aid at school. I was in Kindergarten. I tripped and fell on the pavement and skinned up my whole knee. They gave me this huge band-aid covered in clowns… kinda freaky now that I think about it… but I wasn’t scared of clowns back then (nor am I particularly now they are just kinda freaky). But that band-aid made me feel invincible! When I wasn’t being pitied, I was the cool kid of the class! I could conquer the world because of the band-aid!!!!

But now band-aids….. blood…. There are so many scary blood diseases out there! But I’m a rational person. I received a 4.0 GPA in undergrad. I can think through this logically. You can’t get HIV from a band-aid. Once HIV hits the air it dies within seconds. Almost impossible to get it that way. Well… what other scary diseases are there that are blood related? All the Hepatitis’… So that is A, B, C. Well… everyone around my age was forced to get the Hep B shot when we were in middle school. So not only am I protected but most of my peers are protected as well. So I’m good on that front. I received a Hep A shot, due to the nature of my field work and so have most people I normally interact with… again due to the nature of our field work…. But man…. Hep C…. there is nothing you can do for it…. Nothing… No protection… AND it can live for 4 DAYS IN DRY BLOOD. Well at least according to the CDC, which is my number one source for all contaminated related things lol ;). If you have OCD I am very sorry for bringing to light the scariness of Hep C… but hopefully it doesn’t bother you… b/c I mean think about it… the odds that someone has Hep C and that you somehow get it from touching dry blood (you would have to reactivate it with water in order for it to be able to get into your system)… are about the same odds as someone being struck by lightning twice (according to my wonderful Ivy league trained therapist– hmmm but lets not point out that I have a great-uncle who was struck my lightning… but only once! but he was also hit by a train around the same time (yes he is still alive)…hmm….lol).

So really there is nothing to be scared of! I am in fact in no way going to get Hep C from accidentally touching a band-aid with my shoe…..or the side of my foot if I’m wearing sandals.

But…. what do we find? Band-aids…. they are EVERYWHERE. And anytime I see one my brain automatically jumps to the scariness of band-aids and blood and the possible contamination that they hold. And once you are freaked out about something you see it EVERYWHERE. The other blog that I mentioned that really helped me get through my major OCD crisis… I found out that one of her scariest things was raw chicken. And everywhere she looked there was always raw chicken… on the sidewalk! So maybe its an OCD thing… and we notice things we wouldn’t  normally…. or maybe the world really is out to get OCD people…. but either way… I know where every single band-aid is from my walk to my house to school. There are three in total that have been their all semester that I no longer fear. I mean any disease on it would be dead (though Hep B lasts AT LEAST 7 days… but we have a shot for that so its ok). But I still avoid them like the plague…. one is one of those circle band-aids near the sidewalk near my house, the other is a plain band-aid (that definitely has something red on it) on the main sidewalk to get to the top of campus, and another is a ELMO band-aid near the student center. But besides these three… I always see others. EVERYWHERE.

Seriously some days I believe that the world is against me and will put band-aids in the least likely places…

OH! And it DOESN’T HELP that many OCD people have depth perception issues and also are very bad at reading maps. I’m not bad at reading maps… I am horrible at drawing them… which well isn’t good for my career choice… but man… do I have depth perception issues…  I could be like 2 feet away from the band-aid and think that it touched me. Sometimes I freak out that my hands touched something icky (like a band-aid) on the ground and I have to remind myself “YOU ARE NOT A GORILLA!!! YOUR

ARMS DO NOT TOUCH THE GROUND WHILE YOU WALK (though I do have freakishly long arms… according to my arm length, I am supposed to be 5’10” but i am barely 5’7″ but this is digressing lol). THERE IS NO POSSIBLE WAY THAT YOUR HAND COULD HAVE TOUCHED THAT BAND AID THAT IS TWO FEET AWAY AND ON THE GROUND. THINK RATIONALLY.” But of course I still freak out for about 10 minutes (well that was at the beginning of all this. Now it only takes about a minute)… until I visualize a gorilla in my head and remind myself…that although I lack pheromones and may possibly look like a gorilla, since I have been shown no proof that my good looks or my pheromones are working,… my ARMS DO NOT TOUCH THE GROUND.

The world is a weird weird place with many band-aids everywhere. so please if you take off a band-aid THROW IT AWAY. So we OCD people can live in peace without fear of the band-aid.

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Posted by on December 24, 2011 in Uncategorized

 

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