It appears that I haven’t written in quite sometime. Mostly its because I only write when I am upset and well lately I haven’t been allowing myself to feel too much.
This weekend though I felt a lot. A lot of good. A lot of happiness. A lot of sadness. A lot of indescribable loneliness.
But the point is… is that I felt. And I am ever so grateful for that moment.
Life is made up of many moments. How long a “moment” is though differs. They can be practically ephemeral or they can feel devastatingly permanent.
This moment of my life that just ended lasted but a couple of months. I’m so sad to see the moment fade… but just like everything God puts in my life… I’ve learned from it. And I am so joyful that I had this experience and time with such a Godly individual. And now I have this amazing individual that I get to call “my friend.” 🙂
I’ve relearned what it is like to be pursued by someone in a Godly manner. I’ve learned that truly taking the time to learn about someone and their passions leads to a better relationship (whether that be one of romance or of friendship). I’ve learned that I want to be confidently pursued. I’ve learned that I like taking these slowly. And of course I’ve learned more about my flaws in relationships so that I can ensure not to repeat them in another relationship.
Even though I was immensely slow about it… I’ve learned to reopen the door to let someone in. And yet I also learned how to protect my own heart in the process of opening that door. For once I didn’t need the protection of my friends… I was pretty good at protecting myself. A lesson that I need to carry with me when I prepare one day again to open that door.
I just hope that I have the strength to open it again. But time heals all wounds. And the thing is… I don’t see this too much of a wound at all… I’m too grateful to be wounded. I’m too happy to still have a friend, compared to loneliness, to be too sad about it. I’m too appreciative of the time to allow negativity to drift in and stay.
I’ll one day be able to let someone in again.. but in the meantime I have wonderful friends and a loving God who will never leave my side and love me forever :).