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Fred.

16 Oct

Fred,

A year ago tomorrow (the 17th), i gave you all of me. I gave you my heart, soul, and body. I had already fallen in love with you… But it sealed everything. You took my virginity. You took a piece of me that I can never get back… I hope you understand the magnitude of what I gave you and why I gave it to you. Because of it you will always be in my heart whether I want you there or not. I hope you appreciate that and understand why it has been so hard for me to let you go.

I won’t ever forget you Fred. But I think I can finally let you go. Ive had a hard time letting you go. I don’t understand why but I’ve always felt so connected with you no matter what we had been through. I think it’s because you were a lot of firsts for me (besides making love) and then I couldn’t forgive myself for giving all of me to you. I’ve begun to forgive myself though just as I had already forgiven you. And I’ve realized by forgiving myself I can have those firsts back because with God’s forgiveness He washes me as clean as snow.

Please don’t attempt to respond back. I’m just writing this as one of the final pieces that I need to give you so that i can fully let you go. And also So that you know I’m ok and I’ve forgiven you.

I hope you are happy Fred. I hope you treat your current girlfriend better than you ever treated me. I hope you appreciate her in your life and that you come to love her or another woman. And let whoever that woman is love you in return.

****************

Fred,

I hate you for what you did to me.

**************

Fred,

I hate her, because you can love her and not me.

*************

Fred,

You’ve been with her for a month as of yesterday?? A MONTH! I gave you everything and I never got a month from you. 

*************

Fred,

I hate me the most, for allowing you to be in my life. 

*************

Fred,

I don’t want you to get away so easily for what you’ve done to me… but even if I yelled at you it would just bring me more pain… and you aren’t worth it. 

*************

Fred,

I hope that after our upcoming anniversary that I will be able to let you go. I still haven’t been able to.. and it appears you haven’t yet either (since you were stalking me on Linked In!) even if you now have her.

*************

Fred,

I have been debating whether to contact you on our anniversary or not which is tomorrow… Will I feel happy, sad, ok that I contacted you? But now that I think about it… I feel like it will just be like one of my compulsions… relief in the minutes I did it but hurt and confusion after…

************

Fred,

After everything… I still want you… or the you I thought/wished you were… but I deserve better than you… in fact being alone is probably better than being with you…

************

Fred,

Tomorrow marks a new year… a year without you… without the pain you caused me… a year to actually find me…

*************

Fred,

It is unfair that while I’m trying to let you go you are able to penetrate into my dreams… do I ever show up in yours?

************

Fred,

It wasn’t all my fault was it? I just wanted the perfect romance… or at least what was taught as romance in the Bible… you refused to give me what I needed, but was it all my fault?

*************

Fred,

Pick me. Choose me. Love me. 

*************

Fred,

A year tomorrow (the 17th), I gave you all of me. Although we didn’t work out, I hope you cherish the fact that I gave you my heart and body. I hope you are happy Fred and that you love her the way she deserves to be loved. 

*************

Fred,

*************

Fred,

*************

I must stop loving him…

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4 Comments

Posted by on October 16, 2013 in Uncategorized

 

Tags: , , , ,

4 responses to “Fred.

  1. whiskeyinateacupp

    October 16, 2013 at 10:50 PM

    this is written so beautifully with so much heartfelt feelings

     
    • Brooke

      October 17, 2013 at 2:02 AM

      thank you… these are drafts of letters that I want to send to him… but i can’t for my own good… it is really hard not to… in fact i have one set up and ready to go… i just have to hit send… but i wont… i dont want to hurt more than i already do..

       
      • whiskeyinateacupp

        October 17, 2013 at 11:36 AM

        yeah thats a tough one :/ maybe venting it out on wordpress is better than nothing, you know? youre letting it out in the open, i would wait to send the letter. give yourself another couple of weeks and then see where you are and how you feel about it (:

         
  2. Ann

    October 18, 2013 at 12:40 AM

    don’t send, don’t send, don’t send. It will get better.

     

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