My sad sad life…

05 Apr

I’m seriously the most confused individual… I received a sign today about what I should do with my life… Its obviously a sign… but what on earth is it indicating???

So… today… I had a meeting at 11:30am with the grad advisor of my program… thinking about it all week and talking it over today with my therapist I was decided that this was going to be my last semester.

I was completely decided. I knew this was the choice I was going to make. I was scared to death… scared I was making the wrong choice… scared that I would still have to go to the field… scared that they would convince me to stay…

I had an appointment at 10:00am with my therapist to talk it through. We did. My decision was made.

I left for my 11:30am meeting to talk with my advisor. I was going down the steps on the subway… to be honest I was looking down at my phone reading an email… I don’t really know what happened except that I missed a step and fell forward/sideways… I heard a crack…

A kind man going down the stairs stayed with me to ensure I was ok… I wasn’t ok but I was trying to pretend that I was b/c I couldn’t have broken anything… I have never broken a bone in my life… it was just a sprain… I had to get to school for my meeting…a person who works for the subway system heard my fall and asked if I needed the paramedics… I kindly refused… refusing to believe I needed them… continuing down the stairs and getting to a bench… i almost passed out… but I thought it was just bc I had strained myself…

The subway finally came and as I walked onto the subway my vision completely went away… I could still walk but I couldn’t see anymore and I knew I was about to pass out… I almost sat on someone b/c I was just going for where I hoped there was a seat… people realized there was something wrong with me… they asked me if I was ok and where my stop was so they could ensure I got off at the right place…

I got off the subway at school… and I just knew I couldn’t walk anymore… I sat on a bench… called my roommate and told her what had happened… it would be awhile til she could get to me so I decided to get an ambulance… I flagged down a nice looking undergrad boy to go ask a subway personal to call the paramedics… the stranger boy was so kind… and stayed with me until the subway personal came and the paramedics… I wish I would have gotten his name so I could thank him…

but anyway… my first ambulance ride… get taken to the hospital… spend most of the day there… my roommate comes to my aid thankfully… after several xrays and a ct scan… it was determined that I broke my talus (the first foot bone that connects to your long bones)… and that a piece of my bone was sticking 2mm up…

So now… I’m in a non permanent cast until I can get casted on Monday… its going to take 6-8 weeks to heal… I def can’t go to Mexico now considering I was supposed to go in 4 weeks…

But this happened right before I was supposed to quit? Is that saying that I shouldn’t quit and that my prayers are being answered now that I have a legit excuse to not go into the field? Or does it mean I just need to tell my school “Fuck it I’m done” (excuse the language)… b/c I honestly have no idea how I’m going to get to and from school… Its a 30min to 45 min commute that requires lots of walking… and places with no elevators… and I have to walk all over campus… how on earth am I going to do that on crutches??

So obviously… this happened… and this happened for a reason… but what on earth does it mean?????? What was the odds that the first time I ever broke a bone would be the day I was going to change my life??? Its so hilariously sad… but I don’t know what it means!!!!!

My life seriously needs to be a comedic drama…


Posted by on April 5, 2013 in Uncategorized


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2 responses to “My sad sad life…

  1. 71º & Sunny

    April 6, 2013 at 6:26 PM

    Hey Brooke. Oh wow – I am SO SORRY. That’s awful! I’m so glad there was a nice guy to help you out. What a terrible feeling to be out in public like that and to feel like passing out. I sure hope you are not in a lot of pain and that you recover quickly.

    So, I’m certainly no theologian or anything like that – but to be honest, (just in my little humble opinion) I’m not sure that your fall means anything other than you were distracted and you fell.

    I was at a conference once many years ago, and they were talking about when Mary was about to give birth to Jesus, and she and Joseph (along with everyone else in the kingdom) had to go to their home towns for the census. So the reason that Mary and Joseph were sent to Bethlehem (thru the required census) was so that the prophecies could be fulfilled about Jesus being born in Bethlehem. But, there were thousands upon thousands of other people that were sent to their home towns for the census too. It’s possible that for some of them, their only purpose for going home was because it was part of God’s greater plan to send Mary and Joseph (and ultimately Jesus) to Bethlehem.

    Anyway, that story really made me think that yes, I also believe everything happens for a reason, but sometimes it doesn’t have anything to do with us, and sometimes I think it is just because we live in a fallen world that bad things happen.

    Don’t know if this helps at all, but that story was really helpful for me.

    Boy I sure hope you feel better real soon. Hugs.

    • Ann

      April 14, 2013 at 3:54 PM

      Wow, Sunny. What an interesting idea! I hadn’t ever thought of such a thing.


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