I have written about dreams a lot throughout these posts. I find that I write about them due to the fact hat I sleep way more than the average person does.
I actually had a sleep test done (I may or may not have mentioned this somewhere else) where they couldn’t formally diagnose me (due to the fact that I couldn’t take naps for them), but they think I might have a form of narcolepsy (obviously on the more functioning side and less server).
With that being said I have posted a lot about how I actually like dreaming. It takes me to a new world one in which I don’t have the troubles that I have today. One where I can be or do anything I want.
But sometimes though… like last night I have dreams that are plagued by OCD fears. Dreams that seem so real… I honestly don’t know if they were dreams or reality. Usually about after a couple of hours I can discern what was a dream and what was reality… but within those few hours when I am not sure.. I am frightened..
I guess one would just call these nightmare. But like I will have whole dreams that I have had conversations about my OCD with someone and/or OCD compulsions are happening such as cleaning my bathroom profusely and when I wake up I actually think these events happened.
I know some people can wake up and be completely alert, but I can in no way shape or form do that. I’m always in a some what zombie mode.. and the more tired I am the worse it is and the worse it is trying to decipher between dreams and reality.
I’ve always wanted to find that place (as a random quote mentions) the place between “dreams and reality”… but not when they are nightmares.. I don’t like them… at all… and they kind of make me question my mental stability even more…