So I know technically you are supposed to begin a New Year’s Resolution on the first day of the New Year… but that kinda came and went and I forgot. SO thinking about it really, I don’t consider Jan 1st the first day of the New Year. Jan 17th will be with the start of school. So I’m building a New Year’s Resolutions to begin that day. Most of it is related to my OCD and getting my life back on track… but some of it more personal.
This is what I have so far…
(1) Except on the Friday before my Thesis is due, I am not allowed to do ANY school work on this day (except the classes I will be in this day, so basically no school work in the evening).
(2) Use this Friday freedom to have FUN. Not sitting around watching sappy love stories or Say Yes to the Dress. Like real fun. With REAL PEOPLE (who are not my roommate and cats).
(3) Stop believing that I am going to fail. And telling all my friends I am going to fail prior to any assignment being due. This not only annoys them but also annoys myself. I know it all has to do with me being a perfectionist, which is related to my OCD which tells me that if I don’t do perfect my parents will no longer love me, I will be kicked out of my home, and I will fail at life. In order to be a perfectionist I have to be in a perfect state of panic which is why I call/text all my friends that “I am going to fail.” THIS NEEDS TO STOP.
(4) Have a life outside of academia…possible bf? (HAH! Not sure if this can happen)
(5) Learn to cry. I don’t really cry. Except when I am freaking out about OCD things. So prior to this semester I probably cried once a year max (usually when my mom yelled at me). I have such a shield around myself that I don’t allow any emotion in (besides that of panic and terror). I need to learn to feel emotion again. Even if it is just the ability to cry at a sad movie on TV.
(6) (a) If I get into a PhD program with money… to give it my all but not lose myself.
(6)(b) If I don’t get into a PhD program with money (which is very possible, especially in terms of the WITH money), don’t lose myself. Find a job. That pays. DONT MOVE BACK HOME. Figure out what I really want to do in my life. Find out about volunteering with the OCD Foundation.
(7) Loose ONE Pant size! I just want to be a size 6 again… I miss those days SOO much. But do this by eating healthy and exercising. Right now I’m loosing weight b/c my prozac has made me lose my appetite… which is actually bad b/c now I have extremely low blood pressure and don’t get enough protein etc. So I need to somehow balance actually eating with healthy weight lose.
(8) Get 8 hours of sleep MOST nights. And sleep in on Saturdays (till nine am).
Ok… That’s all I got right now… Long list I know… but This is going to be a life changing year. I can feel it.